I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
this is an emotional support booty call
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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