Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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