I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
