im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
