I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize