ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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