i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
