You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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