Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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