The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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