you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
