I feel like abortions should bother me more
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize