i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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