You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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