just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
