i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
