Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize