So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
