I wish I could teleport
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
