Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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