I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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