I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize