Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
