How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
