So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
