shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
You dont lie about slip and slides
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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