I seem to have left my pride at pride
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I need to sanitize my soul.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize