I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
