he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize