new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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