i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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