Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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