U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
