If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
