dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
