Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
