well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
