Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
