sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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