I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize