Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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