Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
