I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
