You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize