Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
