hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
