I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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