that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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