I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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