OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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