how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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