when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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