her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
