so that wasnt chicken after all
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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