Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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