Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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