You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
