they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize