Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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