"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
from now on my penis is your penis
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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