It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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