Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize