he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
