How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Randomize
