she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize