this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
