My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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