talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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