are you still at the devil's house?
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
