This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
