you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
