No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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