Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize