theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
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