Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
