I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
