he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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