note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
