tell your sister to shave her snatch
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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