I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Terrible idea I love it
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
