I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
