I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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