Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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