respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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