There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
