It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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