First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Randomize
