she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
