i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
