remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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