Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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