Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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