If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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