I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
