I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
