So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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