i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize