the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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