quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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