You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I understand Curling. That high.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
