i may or may not be watching the land before time
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
