Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
