no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
