you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize