Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
