ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
