Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
