It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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