I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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