I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
