I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
