We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
