the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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