remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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