So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
